I was really anxious before the programme started, but I still wanted to join. I was willing to use the Zoom chat instead of speaking because that felt safer for me. I’m waiting for talking therapy, but I don’t know when that will happen, so I hoped this course might help me manage things in the meantime.
When the course began, I felt anxious but also surprisingly happy to be there. I engaged more than I expected. On the Blob Tree, I chose the one that looked like it was falling, because I felt like I had been making progress but then kept stepping backwards. I didn’t expect to be at the top by the end, but I wanted to at least feel like I was climbing. My hope was to take what I learned and actually use it to manage things better. My biggest fear was not believing in myself. I wanted to end the course feeling some sense of confidence. I expected the course to give me new skills and tools, and I just hoped I would be able to use them.
As we went through the sessions, I realised I was getting forced, gently, to acknowledge myself. Sometimes I miss things because of anxiety, but the facilitators kept me up to speed. What I enjoyed the most was the group. That part worked really well for me. Even though I was anxious, being with other people helped somehow.
At first, I struggled with the idea of passions. I didn’t know the difference between what was just an interest and what counted as a passion. But once I understood it, things started coming out of me that I didn’t expect. Drawing, gaming, collecting curiosities, make‑up, hair, antiques, TV shows, hiking, fashion, figurines, plants, music. My dream job would be to be a conceptual artist. I love creating another world, I love the expression and the freedom of it. I started to see patterns in the things I enjoy, like gaming, movies, drawing, fantasy and horror. I hadn’t realised how many passions I actually had. That session made me feel excited.
We did the risk tracker too, and I learned more about what holds me back. I’m not sure what I want to do next. I know I need to expose myself to people, routine and training. My core belief was that I’m not doing enough, that I’m not good enough, that I’m unworthy. We worked on disputing that. The new belief we came up with was that in some things, to some people, I am good enough. That felt softer, and more real.
Goal setting was intimidating. I normally avoid things. I had never heard of SMART goals before. I set goals like going for a walk and volunteering. We made an action plan, which helped me see a road map for moving forward. I’m not interested in a job right now, but I can think about it later. I know my setbacks: my fitness, my routine, my confidence. I’m doing therapy now, and I’m trying to keep moving forward. I’m looking forward to Pathways. What has helped me most so far is discovering SMART goals. I didn’t expect that.
After finishing the course, I started a make‑up and beauty course at Meso and More Training Academy, which I should complete in December 2026. I’ve also had private therapy, and that has helped me a lot. I feel like I’m slowly learning how to move forward in a way that works for me, not anyone else.