Before I started the course, I was in a big depression. I was in a hole that I had spiralled into and I was very negative about a lot of things, including the idea of coming on the course. I had brushed it off before. When my work coach mentioned the date again, I remember thinking, oh fine, I will go.
I used to be quite outgoing, but after Covid I became too anxious to go outside. I was always convinced something bad would happen. My lifestyle wasn’t healthy and I didn’t really take my mental health seriously until recently. I had started volunteering, but other people still had to speak for me, even simple things like applying. I felt nervous all the time and overwhelmed by my own thoughts.
I remember the first session so clearly. I got up super early and I was pacing around my bedroom. I was bricking it. It was my first time using Zoom, a new programme and new people. I honestly never thought I would turn my camera on or speak. My plan was just to get through it.
But as we did a few exercises and started getting to know each other, something shifted. I began to feel more comfortable in the group. These people were like me. Once I realised other people were anxious too, it felt comforting. I wasn’t the odd one out. I remember thinking, if they can do it, I can do it.
As the weeks went on, I became more confident. I turned my camera on. I spoke. When we were challenged in the second week, I surprised myself by being prepared to give it a go. The course helped me understand that certain patterns I had weren’t helping me. For example, I cope by shopping. I started noticing beliefs I’d been carrying that weren’t healthy.
One of the biggest things for me was realising that I am worth just as much as any other person. If a job interview goes wrong, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not the worst case scenario. I’m less pessimistic now and more positive. When things go wrong, I’m less stressed and I don’t immediately give up.
I’ve had anxiety for years, but learning how my brain works really helped. I don’t shrill up as much when I talk to people in real life. I’m volunteering in a charity shop and I’m more confident speaking to customers, even when they’re difficult. I’m planning to increase my hours.
There were also things I’d never spoken about before. I had self harmed in the past, but since starting the course those thoughts have gone into the background. I know how to manage them now and not go back into that headspace. I catch myself when I make extreme statements like, I’m never going to improve, and I challenge them.
I’ve started doing things I never thought I could, like getting the bus on my own and speaking up more in friendships. I feel happier. I feel more like myself. I didn’t think I’d enjoy being in a group, but I really do.
Since the course, I’ve been volunteering as a shop assistant and building routine, confidence and real world experience. I’m better at managing my mental health, I’ve stopped self harming, and I can stop myself from spiralling. I feel more hopeful about the future and more capable of handling whatever comes next.