Before I started the course, I wasn’t really looking at jobs. I was focusing on my mental health instead. I’m autistic and I have ADHD, so I can get overwhelmed and zone out sometimes. Anxiety was a big part of my life and I knew I needed a confidence boost before I could think about what came next.
Growing up, I had to be very involved in family life, quite intensely. Because of that, I now really value being alone and having space. I also learned early on not to show my emotions. I was told a lot that emotions were attention seeking, so I stopped expressing them. I started to believe that my worth only came from academic achievement, because that was the only time people said they were proud of me.
When I joined Pathways, I was nervous but I thought I could cope with it. I found the sessions interesting from the start. Even small things like having my camera on and unmuting felt like a big step, and I was surprised by myself for doing it.
As we went deeper into the course, I started to understand where some of my patterns came from. I talked about my family and how I became a people pleaser, trying to keep the peace and keep others calm. I also realised how much pressure I put on myself to be successful in a very narrow way. I had done CBT before, back in 2020, but it hadn’t worked for me at the time. I don’t think I was ready then.
One of the hardest parts was looking at my core belief. I believed I was a failure and that everything I did was worthless. Even thinking about challenging that belief felt scary, because change felt scary. But I was encouraged to take it slowly and I did. I shared more than I expected to, and each time I did, it got a little easier.
The biggest takeaway for me was learning to spend time battling with my inner thoughts and reinforcing the good ones. I realised that the voice telling me I was worthless wasn’t the truth, it was something I’d learned over time. That was powerful.
I also set myself a goal that actually felt achievable. I decided to practise my art fundamentals for 30 minutes a day. Art matters to me and this felt like something I could commit to. I didn’t just talk about it, I started doing it. That made me feel motivated and capable in a way I hadn’t for a long time.
As the course went on, my confidence grew. I wasn’t just understanding things intellectually, I was putting them into action. I began to believe that I could work towards what I want, at my own pace, without tearing myself down.
After the course, I moved into volunteering that connects directly to my interests and skills. I’ve volunteered in admin and graphic design roles, and I’m now contributing creatively in a way that feels meaningful. I feel more confident in myself and in my ability to achieve my goals and wants. I’m no longer frozen by the belief that I’m a failure, I’m building evidence that I have something to offer.