Before I joined the course, I felt completely stuck. Every time I thought about doing something new, I’d talk myself out of it. I felt like I was standing in the middle of a busy roundabout with nowhere to go, and crossing to the other side felt impossible. I focused a lot on the negative and convinced myself I wouldn’t be successful, even though I’d never really tried. I left college in 2022 and hadn’t had a job before, which knocked my confidence even more. I wanted to feel less alone and build up my confidence, but I didn’t know where to start.
When I first joined the sessions, I was pretty nervous and apprehensive. I honestly thought nothing was going to change. But it wasn’t as scary as I expected. After a few weeks, I realised I was wrong. I found myself smiling more and feeling lighter. I enjoyed the course far more than I thought I would.
One of the biggest things I learned was that my thoughts aren’t me. That was scary to accept at first, but also really freeing. I started to understand that a lot of my negative thoughts came from things people had said to me in the past, not from who I truly am. Instead of just listening to those thoughts, I learned how to question them and fact check them.
During the course, I became more comfortable in the group and started to see that I wasn’t alone with how I was feeling. Looking at my strengths helped too. I realised I’m honest, I try to help others, and I’m creative. I have strong feelings and routines help me. My confidence had taken a hit when I was younger and I felt a desperate need to fit in and be perfect, constantly comparing myself to others. Working through that helped me start accepting praise and feel proud of myself, which is something I’ve always struggled with.
The core belief work was especially powerful. I realised I believed I was undeserving of attention, that people would lose interest when I spoke. Challenging that belief wasn’t easy, but I could see evidence that it wasn’t true. I have people in my life who care about me, including my partner and friends. My new belief is that I’m worth people’s time, and it’s okay if others sometimes want to do their own thing. I believe that most of the time now.
I’ve also become less anxious about work. I used to be terrified of dealing with customers, but now I realise that if I have a bad interaction, I’ll probably never see that person again and it’s not a reflection of me. I feel more comfortable applying for customer facing roles and even entry level jobs, which I used to avoid completely.
I’ve set small but meaningful goals for myself. I want to get outside more, walking to the nearby pond a couple of times a week and spending time in nature. I want to lose weight, rebuild my relationship with my sister, and take her out once a month. I also have a long term dream of becoming a YouTuber, creating content about the things I’m passionate about and connecting with like minded people. Before, I would have dismissed that idea straight away. Now I think, I haven’t tried, so how do I know?
I keep the course book close to remind me of what I’ve learned, even without opening it. Since finishing the course, I’ve found more confidence in applying for voluntary roles, sending speculative emails, and putting myself forward. I feel less trapped and more hopeful. Things don’t feel out of reach anymore, and for the first time in a long while, I believe I can move forward.