Before I joined the course, my anxiety controlled most of my life. Day to day, being inside felt safe, but going outside was really hard. Big groups were overwhelming and I’d had panic attacks, especially when the anxiety first started. A lot of it was health anxiety. If I felt ill, my head would spiral into thinking, where can I go, what if I lose control. That fear has been there for years.
I’ve been struggling since around 2019. During lockdown things actually improved a bit, but when life went back to normal it went downhill again. I tried one to one therapy at the start of 2020, but after a few sessions I just stopped going. It felt too much. One thing I was proud of was getting my motorbike licence. That gave me freedom and confidence, but because I have to re test every two years, my anxiety is now too bad to go and do it again. Losing that has been hard.
When I started the course, I didn’t know what to expect. I was surprised by how welcoming it felt. It was better than I thought it would be and I didn’t feel judged at all. That made it easier to be honest. My main focus has been anxiety, especially around my health, and having space to work on that in one to ones has really helped.
During the course, I’ve started to understand my beliefs and behaviours more clearly. I’ve noticed that my routine, or lack of one, makes everything worse. My sleep pattern is awful, which makes consistency hard, so instead of trying to change everything at once, I’ve focused on doing one thing a day, on the day. My goal has been to push myself to get out at least once a day, even if it’s just for 10 or 20 minutes. Friends always come to my house, but I want to be able to go out again like I used to, and slowly build up to more social stuff.
We’ve also looked at practical changes. One thing I worked on was vaping. I know it affects my health and my anxiety. I’ve stopped before, for nearly a year, so I know it’s possible, even though it feels hard and it’s been a comfort for me. Thinking through the costs and benefits helped me see that change doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
A big shift for me has been realising that my core beliefs can change. Since joining the course, I’ve started practising new ways of thinking and actually embedding them, not just talking about them. I’m more aware of when anxiety is driving my thoughts and I feel more able to challenge it rather than just avoiding everything.
I’ve also reconnected with what I care about. I’m passionate about dogs and I want to work with aggressive dogs and help them. The idea of doing dog training courses and moving towards a career in animal care feels more realistic now. I’m not there yet, but I feel like I’m moving again instead of being stuck.
The biggest thing for me is that I’m starting to believe change is possible. I’m pushing myself, gently, and that feels different to how things were before.