Before I joined the course, I wasn’t sure of my purpose or even who I was. I’d recently pulled myself out of a really dark place, but I still felt lost and under constant pressure to be someone stable and reliable when inside I didn’t feel that way at all. I’d just moved to a new area with my partner and everything felt unsettled. I’d done different types of therapy before, DBT, CBT, counselling, but none of it really stuck. I felt like I was self aware but couldn’t regulate my emotions, and that scared me because I’ve been in very bad places before and I was terrified of going back there.
I joined the programme because I wanted to understand myself and work again, but more than that, I wanted to know who I genuinely am and what I want from life. At the start, I didn’t feel pressured. Even on bad days, I felt safe enough to just let the experience be natural. That made a huge difference.
During the course, I realised how guarded and paranoid I can be, and for the first time I could clearly see how things that happened in my childhood still affect how I see myself now. I’ve always believed I’m not good enough or worthy of a good future because of what I went through. Looking at that belief was painful, but also freeing. Instead of comparing myself to everyone else, I started to focus on how I see myself and what I actually want.
One moment that really stuck with me was during the anxiety module. I remember watching a video where a man said there is nothing to be scared of, and something just clicked. I realised that being present is the best thing I can do, instead of letting fear take over. I still use that skill now. Because of that shift, I can go into town on my own, something I would never have done before.
The self awareness I gained helped me reach out for more support as well. I learned that ups and downs are normal, it’s about how I react to them and manage myself when they happen. Since doing the course, I haven’t had an angry outburst, which is a massive change for me. For the first time in my life, I’ve allowed myself to visualise a future and think about what I actually want to do.
Work was a big part of why I joined. I didn’t finish school and I’ve always struggled in customer facing roles, but the course taught me how to communicate at work and, more importantly, that just being myself is enough. I’m currently working on a zero hours contract in hospitality, I’ve had several job interviews, including a night staff role and a nursery role, and I’m waiting on outcomes. I’ve also been building qualifications over the last month, which has opened up options in health and social care and hospitality.
I want to be a support worker. I want to help people because I know how much others are suffering. If I can help someone else, it makes everything I’ve been through feel like it has meaning. I’m waiting on a social services report so I can finally lay my past to rest and stop hurting myself by chasing closure. I’ve learned to accept things, and that’s something I never thought I’d be able to say.
This course helped me become a version of myself that I’m genuinely proud of. Even now, I’m still using the skills I learned. Every day is a new day, and I’m slowly changing how I look at life, focusing on the here and now instead of the past or the future. If someone was thinking about joining, I’d say even if you doubt it, there’s no harm in trying. You meet amazing people, and you don’t have to do it alone.