Before I started the course, anxiety shaped almost everything I did. I couldn’t go into shops for more than ten minutes. I was constantly worrying about whether I stood out, why people were near me, or what they might be thinking about me. I’d been bullied badly when I was younger, moved schools a lot, and at one point I thought I’d finally fit in, only to be told years later that people didn’t actually like me. After that, I shut myself away. My room became my safe place and I stopped trusting people.
I’d done this course years ago, but I wasn’t really listening back then. This time was different. My mindset was better and I was actually taking it in. I still struggled to leave the house and relied on noise cancelling headphones to feel safe outside, but I wanted things to change.
One of the biggest things the course helped me understand was anxiety itself, both the physical and mental sides. Before, I didn’t always realise when I was anxious. Now I have more tools and I can notice it sooner. I’ve started pushing myself. I’ve realised I don’t need my headphones on in every situation. I can feel progress, even if it’s gradual.
Being in the group mattered a lot. It was open and supportive and people encouraged me to speak. Having other voices around me helped shift my perspective. I started to realise that most people aren’t thinking about me at all, they’re just doing their shopping or getting on with their day. That sounds simple, but it was a big change for me.
During the course, we looked at my habits and beliefs. One behaviour I wanted to change was people pleasing. I realised I put on a mask a lot and agree to things that don’t actually serve me, volunteering too much of my time because it makes others feel better. Looking at the pros and cons helped me see that being more truthful with myself doesn’t make me a bad person, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
We also talked a lot about safety and trust. My core beliefs were tied up with not trusting other people and having a low view of myself. Challenging those beliefs hasn’t been easy, but it’s helped me start opening up again. I’ve even started talking to my mum and dad a lot more, which I wouldn’t have done before.
Outside the sessions, I’ve been taking action. I signed up to a gym with my family. This time, I didn’t hide in the background. I asked questions and spoke to people. I’ve done a lot of work on my mental health through therapy and the course, and now I’m working on the physical side too. I’ve also signed up to online courses and made a big shift from thinking about childcare to aiming for admin roles. I’ve applied for jobs, done an online interview with a job agency, and I’m expanding my comfort zone by applying widely.
I also finished a year of volunteering, helping people who don’t have the technical or language skills to apply for jobs. That reminded me I do have skills, like communication and teamwork.
I still have barriers. Travel is hard because I don’t drive, and sometimes I set myself too many goals at once. But now I can step back, refocus and keep going. The main goal is simple, go outside more, move my body, and not shut myself away. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m actually making those changes happen.