Before
I’d worked in electronics for years, sometimes in permanent roles, sometimes contracting because it paid better. But after lockdown in 2021, everything crashed. I lost work, then lost my home for a while, and it all spiralled. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which explained a lot, but it didn’t magically tell me what to do next.
Most days I felt directionless. I was in my flat, tired all the time, knowing I should be doing more but not able to find the energy. My place was a mess, and I kept telling myself it was a choice, but really I just felt stuck. I didn’t want to be around people much. I could pick up on everything they were feeling and it was overwhelming. I missed having purpose. I wanted to work for myself again, maybe repair electronics, maybe find something meaningful, but I couldn’t find the motivation. I didn’t feel much of anything and had no motivation.
That was the version of me that showed up on day one.
During
Something clicked early on. It wasn’t about being told what to do. It was about being asked what I wanted, which was new for me, and a challenge. We talked about values and thinking patterns, and I started thinking in a new way.
One of the biggest breakthroughs was understanding why commitments made me panic. Whenever someone said “you have to do this”, my body went straight into fight or flight. I used to think that meant something was wrong with me, but the course helped me see that reaction differently. It helped me see strengths too: my curiosity, my deep way of thinking, my independence, and my moral compass. Those parts of me felt like positives instead of problems.
The group mattered more than I expected. I’m not great with small talk, but I like talking deeply about things, and they gave me space to be myself. I even set up a Discord group so we could stay connected between sessions, which helped me feel less alone. We didn’t fix each other, we just listened and were kind. That made a big difference.
As the weeks passed, I started building habits again. Weight training. Reading. Drawing. Meditating. I started new ADHD medication and sleeping tablets to help reset my routine. Slowly, I felt like I was coming back to myself. I stopped seeing everything as hopeless. I started believing I could make choices instead of avoiding them.
What changed most was my sense of agency. I realised I don’t have to change the whole world to feel purposeful. I can just light my own candle. I even started thinking about working with people, not just machines, something I never would have said before.
After
After the course I made lists of goals and started prioritising what mattered. I caught myself putting myself down and worked on stopping that. The social side of the programme stayed with me too. I missed it, so I was signposted to a men’s wellbeing group for connection and routine.
I’ve been experimenting with work. I started some gardening and odd jobs with a friend. I like seeing him, and the job gives me a bit of healthy pressure, even if I’m not sure it’s the right long-term fit. I’m trying not to quit without something else lined up. Part of me is thinking about moving north for a fresh start. Part of me wants to return to electronics where I can build up some savings.
I still feel lost sometimes, but not in the same way. I understand myself better. I know people are important to me and not to isolate myself too much. I’m forming habits and keeping myself steady. I believe I can build a life that feels meaningful, even if it takes time.