Before I joined the course, I was very quiet. I overthought a lot and had quite a bit of negative thinking, even though I did not say much out loud. At the time, I was pregnant and already a mum to a one year old. I am a care leaver and have a social worker, and I have never worked before. I had been applying for retail jobs but never heard anything back, which knocked my confidence. I later admitted that I struggle with anxiety and depression, even though I try to keep going.
When I started the course, my main focus was my mental health. I was pregnant with my second baby and trying to run a household, so everything felt a lot. I did not talk much at first and thought I had no communication skills at all. I felt like I doubted myself constantly.
As we went through the sessions, I started to realise things about myself that I had never noticed before. When we talked about strengths, I could see that I am actually good with routines and that I am creative. That surprised me. I enjoyed talking about passions and realised I had more than I thought. I had always been interested in things like make up and nails, but I did not even know there were courses for that. Even though I know now is not the right time because of pregnancy and family life, it made me feel hopeful to know those options exist.
A big part of the course for me was understanding my thinking patterns. I noticed how often I put a negative slant on everything, tried to read people’s minds, or took responsibility for things that were not really my fault. One of my core beliefs was that no one wants to spend time with me. I used things like my partner being on his Xbox a lot as evidence for that. But when we challenged it, I could also see evidence against it. My sister says I am not annoying, and I do have people who care. My new belief became that I am worthy of people’s time.
My past still affects me. I was abused as a child, mentally and physically, and I was split up from my siblings. That has stayed with me. There are times when I have suicidal thoughts, especially when I think about my daughter, but I do not have plans and I do not self harm. Being honest about that and feeling supported mattered. Over time, I started to feel like I am worth something. My partner and my daughter help me feel that, and the course helped reinforce it.
By the later sessions, I was feeling happier and more open to exploring things. I was filling in bits of the course work I had missed on my own, which made me feel proud. My core belief shifted to thinking I will get there eventually. I started thinking about building a network around me, things like a nail course in the future, people at college, social services, family, and even work experience. More than anything, I want to stop doubting myself, be more confident, and have my daughter in my care.
After the course, I feel more aware of myself and how my mind works. I feel more hopeful about learning new things in the future and more confident that I have value. I am still focusing on my mental health and my family, but I now believe that I deserve time, support, and opportunities, and that I can move forward step by step.