I came into the course mainly because of my anxiety. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was looking for, and I wasn’t expecting much from it. My routine has always been important to me, and I knew I might even need to eat during sessions because of how my day is structured. Before joining, I struggled to open up around people. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do for work, maybe something in IT, but really I was trying to find a sense of purpose. Anxiety and confidence have been my biggest barriers. I always feel like I’m being judged, like I’m never good enough. I get overloaded by my senses a lot. I function at a high level, but internally it can feel chaotic. I’ve finished my computer science degree and I’ve been job searching, but I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere.
I was hesitant and nervous at the start of the course. I usually don’t talk much in groups, and I didn’t know how this would go. But after the first hour, something shifted. Everyone seemed more friendly than I thought they would be. It felt different from therapy because there wasn’t that weight on me to fix myself. I was pleasantly surprised. Somehow the course managed to have a big impact on me. I opened up more than I have in my entire life, which felt strange but surprisingly safe at the same time. I could relate to other people there, people around my age with similar challenges, and the facilitators felt relatable too.
I found myself looking forward to the sessions each week. It became a kind of change from reality, in a good way. I even started making lots of notes because I was genuinely engaged. We talked through things that I don’t usually speak about, like what happens in my head when I meet someone new. My feelings are usually anxious, worried, nervous. My thoughts go straight to, What do they think about me? Can I trust them? I told the group how I’ve always felt that people only come to me when they need something, and that I never feel comfortable because what if they stab me in the back? It felt strange to say that out loud, but it helped me understand myself better.
My core beliefs came up a lot, especially the one that says I’m not good enough and that people are untrustworthy, that the world is unsafe. I even shared something I usually don’t tell anyone, about seeing shapes in the corner of my eye when my anxiety is really bad. I’ve told medical professionals and they say it’s extreme anxiety, but I only tell people I really trust, and it meant something that I could say it here. Through the conversations, I started forming a healthier belief, that maybe I can trust people, that not everyone is out to hurt me. It’s a big shift for me.
I’ve already started on my goals. Walking once a week outside the house. Journalling every day, and setting a time to do it. When anxiety stops me from leaving the house, I’m trying to lean into the techniques in the handbook, and I talked in my one‑to‑ones about building a support network so I have someone I can confide in when I need to. I’ve already started journalling this week and it actually made me feel better.
I didn’t expect this course to have the impact it did. I’m going to miss it. It helped me understand myself in a different direction, without so much pressure, and that meant more than I realised.