Before I started the course, I knew what I wanted but I did not know how to get there. I wanted to be working, ideally in a nursery, and I wanted to resit my Maths and English. I had done nursery work experience before and liked it, but anxiety stopped me moving forward. Even small things felt overwhelming. Leaving the house, speaking to people, going somewhere new. I was very anxious, unmotivated, and already in therapy, but I still felt stuck. Most of the time my safe place was at home, and if I am honest, if I could have stayed there all the time, I probably would have.
When the course started, I was nervous about even turning up. I remember thinking I might not come at all. At the beginning I saw myself at the bottom of the tree, looking up, but I also felt a bit hopeful. Some of the language was new to me and I did not understand everything straight away, but it was explained in a way I could ask questions, which helped me feel less stupid and less panicky.
I am using what I learned. The biggest change is that I believe I can move forward, even if it is slowly.
My biggest block was anxiety. Crowded spaces, talking to people I do not know, interviews. I put a lot of pressure on myself and doubted my competence. I had a strong belief that I could not understand things. During the course, especially in the CBT sessions I later caught up on, I started to challenge that. I worked on changing the belief from “I can’t understand things” to “I can understand some things more easily than others” and “If I don’t panic, I can understand eventually”. That shift mattered more than I expected.
I was ill for a large part of the course, badly ill with a virus, and that knocked my confidence again. I worried I was failing just by being unwell. Being able to catch up later, and still be counted as finishing, helped me feel like I was not being written off. One thing that really stuck with me was learning that even tiny steps count. When action planning felt impossible, breaking goals down made me feel less stuck. Researching how to apply to college, checking dates, writing it down, those were small things, but they moved me forward.
I also started noticing my strengths. I am creative. I like routine. Music helps me express myself. I realised that confidence is not about never feeling anxious, it is about doing things anyway. The course helped me feel less alone with all of this. Talking about it with my family and the Jobcentre helped too, it stopped it all being stuck in my head.
Now I am doing Functional Skills Level 2 in Maths and English. I know I will pass. I started after Easter and I am doing okay. I am talking to people, which I never thought I would say. The class is smaller, and that helps my anxiety. The fact that others are also planning to retake their GCSEs means I will know people when I go on to college properly, and that makes it feel manageable.
I still get anxious, but I do things anyway. The anxiety sessions on Pathways really helped, and I am using what I learned. The biggest change is that I believe I can move forward, even if it is slowly.