School was hard for me. I struggled a lot with anxiety and negative thoughts, and by Year 9 I had already been to the GP about it.
I worried all the time and stopped going into school for a while.
When I had support, things were better, but when that support was taken away, my anxiety came back again. I managed to get through and take some exams, but confidence was low.
I knew what I liked though. I was interested in barbering. I watched videos, liked the look of the hair, and even cut my mate’s hair at home. I tried to get out with friends when I could, but around new people I was quiet and unsure of myself. I overthought everything. Even when I wanted to do something, I would convince myself I could not. Still, I agreed to start the course because I knew I needed help, even though I was tired and anxious about it.
At the start of the course, I was motivated by helping other people, but I struggled to speak up. My camera did not work, which did not help, and even though people were friendly, I stayed nervous. I wanted to get more confident with job stuff, talking to new people, and moving towards work, but anxiety and overthinking kept getting in the way.
One moment that really stuck with me was talking about cutting my friend’s hair. Before I did it, my head was full of thoughts like, this is going to be terrible, it has to be perfect. When I actually did it, it was okay, not perfect, but okay. I was nervous, my hands were shaky, but I did it. We broke that down and realised how many skills I was already using, concentration, hand eye coordination, listening, following instructions, asking questions. That helped me see I was not starting from nothing.
I also noticed how much of my confidence was tied to getting things right. I had this belief that I was only worthy if I did not make mistakes. During the course I worked on changing that.
I started telling myself that I do not need to be embarrassed around people, that mistakes are not a big deal, and that my friends care about me. That felt uncomfortable at first, but it also felt freeing.
Even though I did not talk much in sessions, listening to other people helped. I realised I was not the only one feeling like this. I still had anxiety, and joining sessions was hard, but I kept showing up. I knew I wanted to be a barber, and I knew I needed to get on and do things, even if I felt nervous.
Pathways helped me think about things in a new way. I am now working as a junior barber at a local barbers, somewhere I can walk to. I feel more confident now that I am actually in the role. The interview tips from Pathways helped a lot, and being in work has made a big difference to how I see myself.
I still get anxious, but I do not let it stop me in the same way. I am starting an NVQ Level 2 in barbering in September, and for the first time, that feels realistic. I am doing it.